Africanized Cops On The Loose
Most people are familiar with Africanized bees, aka "killer bees." These bees are known for aggressive, territorial protective behavior and spike fear in the general public.
More recently, there's been a rash of Africanized Police Officers, or "killer cops." What started as several isolated incidents has grown to a nationwide epidemic involving thousands of police officers randomly assaulting innocent civilians for menial reasons.
The main hive seems to be located in the Midwest USA, but drones have been spotted in several corners of the country. The CDC has issued a warning to all civilians to steer clear of Africanized Cops and if you encounter one, follow these simple rules:
1. Remain calm - any sign of aggrivation can spur a violent reaction from an Africanized Officer and results can be fatal.
2. Play dead - they can only kill you once, so if they see you as being dead, you may escape with minor gun shot wounds and some bludgeoning.
3. Stay at home always - if you're not outside, you have a 11% less chance of having a random encounter with an Africanized Officer.
4. Don't exist - they can't attack something that isn't there.