08
Jul
2018

Fort Collins Man Wins Big at the AVM Awards!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

Seymour Butz, (pictured)  oilfield truck driver and now part time adult film star recently walked away with “Most Convincing Self Love Moment” award, in spite of the fact that he was not even aware of the recording. 

 

“The video was so great, we just awarded it even though the award night is still 6 months away!” Commented Harry Richards, temporary spokespersun for AVM.com.

 

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With the recent years of extended drought and semi-arid climate anyway, the potential for fire is an ever present threat.  In response, City Council has determined that the potential risk is far too great and a total banning of all fireworks was necessary. 

 

In a statement released by city council spokesmodel, Olga Martinez-O’Reilly “We wanted to deter the temptation to engage on the growing of snakes or the delight of contraband sparklers, so we put together a list of potential fines that equal the average homeowner’s insurance loss deductibles” 

 

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22
Jun
2018

Vaccines Causing A New Third Nipple Pandemic

Posted by Archibald Sutherby

A new study from NYU has proven a scientific link between childhood vaccinations and a physical deformation causing a 30% increase in the chance of growing a third nipple. This comes complete with a third additional large areola/nipple in both males and females.  The full disclosure of these studies can be found at: https://www.nyu.edu/content/nyu/en.html

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    A new charity fundraising company is picking up a lot of attention throughout the west coast and upper midwest. DDAMM (Drunk Drivers Against Mad Mothers) is said to be originally based out of somewhere in Idaho or possibly Montana. This new non-profit organization promotes rewards for those of us who can still drive home without killing anyone after a night out with the boys.
If you would like to donate to Drunk Drivers Against Mad Mothers, please call this toll free number with your credit card information: 1-800-867-5309

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16
Jun
2018

New Cat Movement Shining Light On Cross Species Rape

Posted by Peter Christofferson

 

In July of 2017 it was leaked by an anonymous Veterinarian that there has been an uprising of cats being raped by other species such as dogs, goats and other house pets. According to “Pet Elite Weekly Club”, this has been an unspoken event taking place for decades in this little known behind the scenes world of cats rarely seen. 

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15
Jun
2018

Adult Men Still Consider V-neck Formal Wear

Posted by Trip McNeally

A recent study in GQi Magazine showed that more than 20% of the adult male population of the United States still considers a long sleeve V-neck shirt to be formal attire.

Not to be confused with a button up, the long sleeve V-neck has been used for decades to masque the down-trodden males of society and present them as upstanding. It's been called the "gentrification shirt of America."

GQi Magazine recently polled its readers and found that more than 20% are still wearing this attire to formal events. Some are even wearing it to their own weddings.

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