23
May
2018

Hawaii Lava Flow Uncovering Dinosaur Fossils

Posted by Peter Christofferson

The recent eruption of the Hawaiian islands is having some unexpected side effects. The lava flow is stripping the surface of the island uncovering tribes of dinosaur fossils never known to exist on the island, some the species never seen before including a dinosaur four times larger than the T Rex. Geologists are at the island following the flows of lava uncovering parts of the dinosaur age never seen before.

 

Some of the fossils found are intact full bodies of brontosaurus, Agineasaur, Uncircomsizasaurus and a plethora of others, including one hominid skull.

 

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18
May
2018

White Man Creates Spiciest Ice Cream In The World

Posted by Peter Christofferson

A local white man Sereo Type has created the spiciest ice cream, he has been obsessed with creating the worlds spiciest ice cream for well over a decade. Sereo started out using the worlds hottest peppers, yet he found them to not be that spice he was searching for. Sereo also experimented with types of acid and peppers but still not the correct mixture, then one day, it hit him.

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17
May
2018

Old Faithful Consumed by Hawaiian Sinkhole?!

Posted by Trip McNeally
Sinkhole where Old Faithful used to erupt

A sinkhole has opened up in Yellowstone National Park, draining Old Faithful.

A crowd was gathered to watch the punctual geyser erupt at 12:04 PM today, but instead of an eruption, they were met with a pseudo-implosion. The sound was described as a "loud fart" and then the ground started to disappear.

One bystander was too close and fell in, sustaining only minor injuries. No other casualties have been reported.

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15
May
2018

Old Man Emerges From Bitterroot Mountains Claims To Be 2 Pac

Posted by Peter Christofferson

Sunday morning an elderly African American  man emerged from the Bitterroot Mountains and claimed he was 2 pac, he said “I have been in the Mountains finding his inner peace for 21 years, 21 one years, I’m ready to come home, my bones can’t take it”. 

After a quick DNA test compared to 2 pacs DNA taken in 1990, it was a complete 100% match, he is currently not taking any interviews as he readjusts to society again and we are told he is very thrilled to see how his music has inspired people for decades and can’t wait to tell his story of survival while trying to find himself.

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15
May
2018

Vape Rally Starts Wildfire Season

Posted by Trip McNeally
2018 Montana Vape Fest

Starting this morning in the upper Rattlesnake area, the second annual Montana Vape Fest was off to a thrilling start. Weirdos from all across the state gathered to embark on what was to be "the world's largest vape fest." Comprised of almost 14 people, The Montana Vape Fest seemed like a nice way to get a poutpourri across the valleys. That is, until one careless vaper showed up with a custom built MacGregor Ohm 3.0 that sent spark flying into some dry brush igniting what is to be the first wildfire of the 2018 season.

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14
May
2018

Freak hail storm closes Denver

Posted by Stanley Weiss

A crazy freak hail storm shut down all the roads in and out of Denver today after a freak hail storm dumped almost 6” of hail in under 30 minuets today. The city called all its snow plows to help get traffic moving and the Red Cross was even called to assist with the needs of crying Liberals. The Pepsi Center is the main shelter for those that don’t feel safe or lost their homes in this crazy global warming accident. Please call Red Cross if you’re in need of assistance with shelter and food. 

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14
May
2018

INTERNET WILL BE CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE

Posted by James Earl

The Internet will soon be closing for scheduled maintenance and once again computer technicians, computer scientists, keyboard commandos, computer geeks and basic scienticians from all over the world are at odds trying to figured out the necessary schedule downtime dates.

The projected and most probable date is somewhere in January of 2019, May of 2020, April 20, 2020, November 19, 2017, and again in March of 2018.

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13
May
2018

BCSA is Getting Fantastically YUUUGE Remaster!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

After an18 month haiatus, the producers of “Better Call Saul Alinsky” have announced the release of the “remastered director of fan favorites cut”

the box set will also include three full Betamax tapes with hours of bloopers and out takes from that zany Tim Geithner, and his sidekick Barry.  Watch as Saul practices for his best Karl Marx impersonation! (Footage thought lost to history)

The Oligarch’s at Usefull Idiots productions want to thank you for your uniting with the worker’s of the world.

 

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