13
May
2018

Facebook announces new emoji!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

In an attempt to stay relevant to an ever changing advertising market, Facebook is making subtle changes to appeal to America’s favorite generation, The Millennials!

 

To go along with the thumbs up, laughing, crying, angry and wow, we now have “safe space” the safety pin that tells the world “I don’t agree with you and you hurt my feel bads!” There are also plans to block everything and fill their news feed with bunnies and baby chicks frolicking a meadow.

 

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11
May
2018

Kim Jong Un Makes Rodman-esque Appearance Change

Posted by Trip McNeally
Kim Jong Un looking like Dennis Rodman

Kim Jon Un has recently agreed to peace terms with South Korea, stating Donald Trump as an inspiration but also giving credit to his American counterpart, Dennis Rodman.

In a recent interview, Un stated that a driving factor for promoting peace was to come to America and watch a Bulls game with his main man. He had started undergoing wardrobe and aesthetic changes shortly after the signing of the peace treaty.

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10
May
2018

Sasquatch Causing Pacific Northwest Salmon Extinction?

Posted by Archibald Sutherby

In the past few decades it has become common knowledge that the native salmon population of the Pacific Northwest region of the United States has been under attack. Commercial fishing, climate change, and man-made hydroelectric dams that impede the annual salmon spawn migration have all taken their toll. But recently a potential new culprit has emerged.

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In recent reporting of World, State and Local News, including and not including Weather and Sports, local reporters are at it once again and out to win you over with real news stories and some people who expressed their interest on social media outlets now feel that “Real News” is just not so real anymore and that “Fake News” or “Snews” is getting the most attention from possibly fake and real news sources alike.

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08
May
2018

Rat-a-tat Tat

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

New pictures have surfaced after Punxsutawney Phill was gunned down in the mean streets of Maryland. 

Deputy G. Lock of the Maryland sheriffs department had to unload a dose of justice after a “seemingly innocent” rodent was on a rampage.  “I saw a gun and had to act quickly. My wedding tackle was at risk”, said the Deputy.

Phil’s mother, Puxsutawney Phylis said “My boy was innocent, He was on his way to church to help with the rummage sale”.

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06
May
2018

How Wyoming Is Connected To Hawaii’s Volcano Eruptions

Posted by Peter Christofferson

It’s no secret that Yellowstone’s Steamboat Geyser has been erupting more than it ever has in history, but what scientists have figured out is that Steamboat and the volcano in Hawaii are indeed actually connected. In reflection, the geyser was actually an early warning system, as one of the 35 different lava tubes connecting the super volcano of Yellowstone with the Hawaiian Islands volcanos ruptured under pressure beneath the ocean, blow all the steam from that rupture all the way out the geyser in Yellowstone.

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05
May
2018

Wyoming Welcomes Kanye To The Darkside

Posted by Peter Christofferson

Kanye’s recent move to Wyoming finally makes sense after his recent comments about his support of President Trump. Wyoming lead the vote with 83% during the election so it was only natural for trumps bro to move to the best non existent state in US, Wyoming. 

 

At first the state was on edge about Kanye’s recent move to the square state, but after recent events of him blasting out of the republican closet, his approval rating has went up 110% in Wyoming, which means all 500 hundred residents approve. Are you excited for Kanye to set up shop in Wyoming? We are.

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04
May
2018

Heil Hitler

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

 

It seems Adolf has lost his signature mustache.

While eating at an Older Illinois restaurant, it appears that he had a mustache malfunction. When he told the waitress that there was a “heir” in his cheese dip the waitress apologized and “kamph’d” his meal. 

 

Stay tuned fuherther details 

 

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